WEAKI LEAKS IN SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE

Sooner or later Weaki Leaks had to surface in San Miguel de Allende. And so it did just last Monday. That’s the day our good friend Ron from Boston struck our neighbor Bill from Houston with his cane. Reports of women raising their voices and striking one another are also becoming more frequent.

You see, Weaki Leaks is a disease. What some might call a syndrome that effects an aging population. I first experienced Weaki Leaks when I turned fifty. It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time. But as more and more people experience Weaki Leaks tensions rise. Put yourself in a community highly prone to Weaki Leaks and prepare to defend yourself.

Weaki Leaks comes in two varieties. The first variety starts in the fifties and the symptoms include frequent Leaks particularly at night. Not so bad, but a lack of sleep does cause unwarranted outbursts. The second variety starts later in life and is characterized by a weak or incomplete purging. Either way you have Weaki Leaks.

Weaki Leaks is a hereditary condition and most prevalent in male jeans unless they are attorneys in which case it first appears in their briefs.  Weaki Leaks is also most prevalent in an aging population. With all the aging snowbirds flocking to San Miguel for the winter months it has become the Weaki Leaks capital of Mexico if not the world.

So many people experiencing Weaki Leaks in one place is not good and places an undue burden on the infrastructure. San Miguel is nearly five hundred years old. When it was built nobody lived long enough to experience Weaki Leaks. So, the disposal system is not prepared for the volume. As a result, the cost to use the public water closets in Centro has risen from three pesos to five and there is no end in sight. The police force is also over burdened with cranky Weaki Leakers in restaurants, bars and most notably, at Star Bucks, pushing and shoving their way to the water closets.

Things have gotten so bad that coffee and beer sales are prohibited for anybody over fifty without an appropriate doctor’s note or proof that you can hold your Leaker. Cheaters are pushing the price of Depends through the roof.

Worse yet, Weaki Leakers are no longer welcome at the local hot water spring, La Gruta. If they attempt to enter they receive a full body search that would make the TSA blush. The last Weaki Leaker to breach La Gruta’s security nearly walked away with it prized water in his Depends!

Teenagers have become the enablers of the Weaki Leakers. For them it’s profitable and entertaining. Weaki Leakers will pay just about anything to get their caffeine, wine and liquor.  Once satisfied they start scrambling and it’s nothing but asses, elbows and walkers headed to the water closets, which, of course, has been padlocked by the teenagers. Not to worry, the over-priced taxi’s for the aged are waiting outside and willing to take the highest biding Weaki Leaker anywhere.

I have plenty more to tell you but my Leaker calls. I thank God every day that our favorite wine store, Europea, has home delivery. No need to entertain the teenagers.

P.S. If you’re an American when you enter the bathroom and an American when you leave the bathroom, what are you when you are in the bathroom? Of course, Euro-pee'n.