CRIME PREVENTION IN SMA

Like any big city, San Miguel de Allende has its share of crime. Petty theft, street muggings, car theft, etc. For a city like San Miguel this is downright uncouth and must be dealt with appropriately.


So, a while ago, a group of well-meaning gringos decided the answer to crime reduction and prevention in San Miguel was yoga. In fact, this group put on a fund raiser to pay for the necessary equipment to perform yoga and to hire a yoga instructor. Many local artists, song writers and the well-to-do helped raise $10,000 pesos for this project. The beneficiaries of this largess? Prison inmates. That’s right, the prisoners held behind barbed wire not far from Tuesday Market where they previously sold the goods stolen from the local artists, song writers and the well-to-do have been subjected to yoga. Water boarding is rather distasteful but force a man to contort into a pretzel and it’s deemed progressive.

To teach proper yoga you must have a Yogi; a master in the art of contortion, breathing and meditation. Thankfully, Yogi Jorge was nearby and readily available in cell block B. Jorge is a big man with excessive tattoos. His nickname is “El Oso” or “The Bear”. That’s right, Yogi Bear will be teaching yoga to the inmates.

Yogi Bear had no trouble enlisting new recruits. All he did was tell them that yoga is a Hindu discipline, “…for obtaining liberation of the physical world…” Given the poor quality of the “physical world” in the prison, liberation from it seemed like a good idea to many. Last year the prison yard was full of angry vulgar men playing basketball, lifting weights and sharing criminal techniques. Today the yard is a tranquil sea of men on yoga mats working their way through their daily routine.

Yogi Bear has had many graduating classes. Former prisoners skilled in the fine art of yoga now roam the streets of San Miguel each with his very own yoga mat with matching sandals. Crime still exists in San Miguel and Yogi Bear’s students are still the cause but crimes are committed with much more finesse and thoughtfulness. So much so, that during afternoon cocktails, many of the enlightened citizenry discuss the pleasures of having been mugged by a student of Yogi Bear. Was the mugger thoughtful? Did he use proper form and technique? Did he control his breathing ever so right?

It’s not all fun and games, however. Yogi Bear’s former students prowl the streets with their yoga mats slung over their shoulders. Many have tie dyed their mats with gang colors, albeit muted colors so as not to be offensive. Unfortunately, the colors and sizes of the mats have led to jealousy. There’s only one way to resolve this problem and that’s a yoga rumble in Parque Juarez. Rival gangs arrive in the park determined to find the rightful owners of the best mats. It’s an ugly sight when gang members square-off against each other. The tranquility of the park is lost as these men open their mats, assume a yoga position, and then meditate and contort their way to victory and control of the most glorious mats.

So, while Yogi Bear’s program has not been one-hundred percent successful in eliminating crime it has elevated it to a more genteel level. A level of thoughtfulness and spirituality befitting a town such as San Miguel de Allende.